the scott friday blog machine
if you don’t like nothin’ i post

then fuckin’ unfollow me, man.

i often feel like i drink too much, and i tell myself that i should really cut back

but then i realize that i’m smart enough not to take advice from a drunk person.

so, here’s some bullshit.

on the way to work this morning, the people on the radio were talking about this cosmo article that discussed “girly things that some guys do” and it was… ridiculous.

they were asking guys in the studio what items on this “girly” list that said men were guilty of doing. some were milquetoast answers, but some were just stupid. i knew it was bullshit when apparently using shower gel was a full-on feminine act. not that there’s anything wrong with feminism or feminine acts, but some things are just things and not gender-related. i remember specifically when the lady DJ said that her husband used shower gel (apparently super-feminine) and the guy DJ said, “but he uses it, like, with a rag, though, right?” and the lady DJ said that he used a luffa. the guy exploded with laughter and said, “WHAT’S A LUFFA?”

apparently using soap in a non-solid form and applying it with anything other than a rag is a deeply feminine act. again, not that there’s anything wrong with being feminine, but really? i wondered how this guy cleaned himself. i guess he just stood in the shower while rubbing a bar of soap into his eyes and yelling, “FREEDOM!” and not using said soap on his body, instead opting to turn the water up as hot as it would go and allowing it to rinse his welting body as he rotated painfully and eventually turned off the faucet. i’m guessing he then grabbed the nearest filthy towel, rolled it up, and smacked the toilet paper off the roll while flexing and called it a day.

also, using lotion. at all. said dumb male DJ, “i mean i’ll use it on my hands if they’re really, really, really, really dry. but not on my FACE or anything.” so i guess using lotion on any body part other than your hands is mega homo material.

so i guess what i’m saying is that this cat can suck my dick.

I’m not left-handed either. No, wait. Shit, I’m totally left-handed.
The Dread Pirate Friday
my god he was young back then.

vasolinejesus replied to your post: let’s get affordable.

are you getting a hooker?

maybe.

let’s get affordable.
luckyshirt:

guys shut up for a second I thought of a drink and I made it it’s so good oh my god fuck
okay it’s a four loko and a five hour energy and I think I called it a nine lives because oh my god fuck whose pasta is that in the fridge
hahahahahahahaha so bro it’s like a cat because cats cats cats cats cats bro right dude I’m so sick fuck get the cats off my face 
hahahahahahahahawooooooooo GO GO GO fuck ow my chest fuck I’m sad now

this is the fifth best post i’ve ever seen on tumblr.

luckyshirt:

guys shut up for a second I thought of a drink and I made it it’s so good oh my god fuck

okay it’s a four loko and a five hour energy and I think I called it a nine lives because oh my god fuck whose pasta is that in the fridge

hahahahahahahaha so bro it’s like a cat because cats cats cats cats cats bro right dude I’m so sick fuck get the cats off my face 

hahahahahahahahawooooooooo GO GO GO fuck ow my chest fuck I’m sad now

this is the fifth best post i’ve ever seen on tumblr.

i just realized i’ve listened to nothing but maiden all day long today. no intention to stop any time soon.

it’d be kinda ironic if the earth just fucking exploded into space dust today.